and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
