...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
