Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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