I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
