Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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