when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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