I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
