Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
