i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
