9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
