The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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