Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
