like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
