Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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