She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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