I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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