her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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