I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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