True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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