We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
