You're so nebulous sometimes
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
