i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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