My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
