Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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