Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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