Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
