Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Can I color on your dick again?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
