Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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