# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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