woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
