She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
