At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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