does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
