I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
