sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
