i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
