Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
