Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
