What a fucking waste of an outfit
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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