i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
we should paint friendship bongs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
