it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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