I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
