I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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