She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
