Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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