wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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