Umm I'm too high to move.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He better not be in your backpack
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
