PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
