so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
