just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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