I just threw up on my dentist
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
