You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
