First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
