My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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