I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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